I Am Enough

In this journey of healing with J, I’m discovering that there is some deep seated stuff I need to work through, myself.  It is rather disturbing to know that one thing casts such a long shadow over my life. The overarching theme in my life is that I am never enough.  Never good enough.  Not … More I Am Enough

I’ll Tell You What I Want, What I Really Really Want

I know my last entry here was rather cryptic.  For that, I apologize. I have been struggling with despairing of ever having the things I desire.  Not always material things.  Some emotional, some physical, some existential.  I worry that I will never have the marriage I want.  The relationship that I fantasize about with my … More I’ll Tell You What I Want, What I Really Really Want

Tiger Lilies

My favorite flower is the tiger lily.  It always has been for as long as I can remember.  I’ve never really been sure why.  I mean, they are a “ditch flower”.  They grow in ditches alongside the road.  In the dirt, and filth, and pollution, and garbage. As I think about it, I think that … More Tiger Lilies

You Deserve It

Your spouse doesn’t do the things you want. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to treat yourself. You work so hard. You deserve to relax. You have been so good on your diet. You deserve that piece of cheesecake. You never do anything for yourself. You deserve to buy that expensive thing. You put … More You Deserve It

Fear

Life has been a little crazy lately.  I am a little bit lost.  I kind of feel like I’m just adrift at the moment.  Not really anchored to anything and just floating on rough seas.  I feel a bit like Peter.  I have faith to step out of the boat and onto the water with … More Fear

Testi-phony

Our pastor said something this morning during the message that got me thinking. He said that if you are a Christian, but have never had trials, then maybe you don’t have a testimony, but rather a “testi-phony”. This gave me pause. Why? Well…. I think that there are a lot of “testi-phony” people out there. … More Testi-phony