What is true, real love? I suppose that’s a question we all have at some point in our lives. Some of us find the answer; some never do. I think I finally found it, as it applies to all the areas of my life. Please, allow me to explain.
I have been married to the same man for 23 years. I have “loved” him from our very first kiss. We have had great times, and we have had times that were so bad, it felt like the darkness would swallow me whole. We witnessed the births of our 3 beautiful children (and I was blessed enough to be there for the birth of my gorgeous step-daughter before that) and were there for the births of our adorable grandsons. I was there for my husband during the deaths of his beloved grandparents and his father. We have laughed together, we have cried together, we have rejoiced together. We have shared dreams, and dashed them on the rocks. We have lived through adultery, indifference, and sometimes borderline hatred. We have made a million memories, both good and bad, that we don’t share with anyone else. We have stupid inside jokes and we know each other’s quirks. There is nobody else on this celestial sphere that has the power to make me cry like he does.
We are currently in act of making sense of and reconciling the “why” of why he chose to have the affairs that he did. We believe we have dug deeply enough that we are rooting out those causes. He said in his blog, that if you allow sin to take root, that you need The Master Gardener to kill it, dig it up at the root so that it dies. He has been an emotional mess these last few days as we have discussed every issue that we failed to talk about these 23 years. The why of why I did some of the things I did. He gave me the minute details from his affairs, the conversations he and his affair partners had, and he filled in the little nagging blanks that he has resisted doing up to this point. In doing so, I believe that God has transferred my pain to him. He has been very sad and hurting at the depth of hurt that I felt. The depth of the betrayal. He has said that the hurt is crushing, but that he needs to feel it.
And then, in the midst of that hurt, he handed me a journal. One of the opening sentences said, “Solomon wrote a whole book about his lover, and God was pleased enough that He put it in the Bible.” This journal is an ongoing love letter to me. He said that he intends to fill it up with love letters and things about me, written daily.
In the middle of his pain, of experiencing that hurt, he chose to do something for ME to ease MY hurt, with no consideration for himself.
THAT is true, real love. Choosing the put someone else’s needs before your own. How do you find that kind of love? Find Jesus. Chase Him with all your heart, and you will learn what true love really is. My husband has been chasing after Jesus after years of Jesus waiting for him to quit running. Our Lord met him where he is and is healing his heart. THAT is true love. I pray you find it.