On February 13, 2011, I posted the following to my Facebook.
“This coming Saturday, J and I will have been married for 18 years. We have had our ups and downs. We have loved each other and hated each other. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. I love you honey, and I always will.”
I had no idea of the disease that was beginning to infect my marriage at that time. A disgusting disease, ugly and rotten, that would eat and try to kill my marriage for over 4 years. Thankfully, we recognized the disease for what it was, and cut it out before it could damage us further. The remedy that we are applying to completely eradicate the disease, is also strengthening our marriage and immunizing it from future infection.
Seeing this post in my memories on Facebook makes me realize that ignorance is most certainly NOT bliss. It also makes me feel sad. I know that my Facebook memories are going to be showing me a lot of similar posts in the next week, and the first place my mind is going to go is “there”. However, on the up side, it will also serve to remind me to pay attention to what is actually going on, rather than what I want to believe. This will be the first anniversary in the last 5 that there is no third party in my marriage. There is nobody waiting in the wings for my husband to text or call her and reassure her that it’s all for show. This anniversary is OURS. This anniversary will be the first of many that we celebrate overcoming all that we have been through and how perfectly gracious God has been to us. This anniversary, in my mind, serves as the putting down of a new, firm, solid foundation for the rest of our lives. Till death do us part. We are building this foundation on God and His will for our lives. Not what society says is acceptable, but rather what God expects from us.
I know some will say that God allows divorce in the case of adultery, but I don’t necessarily agree with that. I believe that ideally, God wants us to work it through and forgive, like He forgives us. Yes, that flies in the face of modern convention, but I believe that modern convention is why our society is in such a shambles. Modern convention says “you don’t deserve that” and “God wouldn’t want you to stay in an unhappy marriage”. Well folks, that is an outright lie. God never said marriage had to be happy. Marriage is intended to mirror God’s relationship with us, Christ’s relationship with the church. Good, bad, and ugly. We are sinful people and God forgives us over and over and over, ad infinitum. Do you think God is always happy with us? Or us with Him? No!! We are called to strive to be like Him. That means forgiving the unforgivable. That means loving them anyway. Is it easy? Nope. It takes work. It takes faith. It takes more work and more faith.
Put in the work and have faith.