Good riddance, 2015! This year was arguably one of the worst years of my life. If there was something that could go wrong or bad, it did. Well, yes, it could have been worse. However, for me, this has been the worst so far…lol. Financial issues, affair reveal, job losses, automobile accidents, family member attempting suicide, serious injuries, health issues, and I’m sure I am forgetting a few things.
That being said, there were glimpses of God scattered among the wreckage. Grace. Hope. Forgiveness. Love. Mercy.
In my provosculation* of this past year, it has become easy to take the “Woe is me” road and overlook the blessings. I may have overlooked God’s grace and provision, but He never overlooked me. He has always been here. His hand has always been upon me. So now, it is time for me to focus on Him. I have been so focused on me and the bad stuff and how it affects me. (Wow. When I type that out, it sounds even more selfish than it did in my head.) It’s time for me to let go of the things that I cannot control. I cannot control other people, their feelings, or their actions. As much as I try, I can’t make people behave the way I want them to. I can’t make people believe what I think they should. I can’t dictate someone’s character or integrity. I have decided to leave these things up to God. He is much better equipped to handle it than I. My need to control is born of fear. Fear of being hurt, lied to, abandoned. Fear of looking like a fool. (Stupid pride.) Fear is a tool of the enemy to keep me from giving control to God. Well, I am determined to conquer that fear and win my freedom from “obsession oppression”. When I am afraid and feel the need to control, I obsess. So in releasing my fear, I gain my freedom.
“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
1 Timothy 7 (ESV)
I claim this as my verse for the year. I will conquer fear. I will be victorious.
*Provosculation is not a real word. Nor is it’s base word, provosculate. The credit for this made up word goes out to Dr. Teeth from the Muppet Movie of my youth. I do, however, love this non-word, so I will continue to use it and hope that someday, Mr. Webster will make it official.