It is so terribly difficult to feel like you are moving forward, when mistrust drags you backwards. You second guess everything. Your feelings, what you believe, who you are, where you are going, what you want, what you don’t want, what you can’t live without, who you want in your life, who you talk to, who you share your scariest thoughts with, who you can count on.
Once trust is broken, it is very difficult to get it back. It takes a lot of hard work and a good bit of faith. Hard work as in complete transparency. There must be a commitment to a “No Secrets” policy. On the part of both parties involved. Trust is a two way street. And when one person breaks that trust, they need to travel in the other person’s lane until that person feels safe to trust them back on their side of the street. In my opinion, they should be bending over backwards, without question, to do everything the injured party feels necessary to regain that trust. Even if it is uncomfortable, even if it is embarrassing. I feel those are consequences and need to be owned. If they aren’t willing, without argument, I have to doubt the sincerity of their remorse. Someone truly remorseful will want to do all they can to fix what they have done wrong.
Sadly, today is one of those days where I just feel sad. It all weighs very heavily on me. Words that have been said or read, haunt me. I can recite some of their emails verbatim. No matter how wonderful things are right now, my heart just hurts. And my head is just making it worse.
I don’t really have a point to this, other than to let others know that I can sympathize. You are not alone on the roller coaster. Just know that eventually the peaks and valleys will even out. I believe that. I look forward to it.