The Other Woman 2.0

I had a different blog post up here. I took it down because how I portrayed myself is not who I want to be. I wrote a long essay about the other woman, their relationship, and it was a rather scathing commentary. I don’t want to be that vengeful, unforgiving person.

That being said, I am still human. I still have feelings, I still get angry, I still get hurt, and I sometimes act in those feelings. I think that God is trying to teach me to control my feelings and my words. Do I like the other woman? Absolutely NOT!! How can you have positive feelings for someone who tried everything they could to rip your marriage apart? For someone who slept with your husband? Heck, for someone who “fell in love” with your husband? I don’t know that you ever really come to a place where you can feel positive about that person. I feel like the best you can hope for is a sense of indifference. Indifferent about their existance. I don’t wish death upon her. And based on her life choices, I believe she is pretty lonely. I truly do wish that she finds someone that is available and all hers. Someone who doesn’t have to hide her and that she doesn’t have to share.

Most of all, I pray that God uses my feelings about her to bring about growth in me. I want people to see God’s love in me. I want to be a good example to others in this situation, how not to let it eat them alive. How not to stew in your anger and hurt, and how to lay these things at God’s feet. I don’t have it mastered yet. Not even close. But I am trying.

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4 thoughts on “The Other Woman 2.0

  1. Cherished, in your original post you mentioned that your husband had shared all the details with you. I’m wondering if he agreed to do this right away, or did it take a while for him to open up? My husband is willing to confirm specifics when I figure them out ( as in – did you take her to such and such hotel – yes) but I’ve asked him to sit down and tell me more on his own so that I don’t have to pull every bit from him, and he just won’t. We’re 3 months in and he ended the affair before I knew about it. I’m just curious how others are able to get a more open dialog started. He would prefer the subject never came up again, and he just wants to focus on the here & now. I don’t need gory details, but there are things I’d like him to tell me all the same, so I can put this obsession away & move on.

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    1. My husband would have rathered it never came up, as well. In his words, it was uncomfortable to talk about things he was ashamed of. And sadly, a lot of the questions I asked were of the pain shopping variety. Once I would ask a question, he would answer it in depth and then some. He was very thorough with his answers, so I think asking the right questions and not freaking out about the answers helped him to be able to share openly with me. I will say that initially, it took alcohol for him to open up…lol. I think it is difficult for them to humble themselves that way, especially when the other woman was telling them how great they were just the way they were. No need for introspection or doing any heavy lifting, you know? I will say, for me, that I have no idea when the obsession dies, or if it does. I do know that the pain gets less as time goes on, once they begin to be honest. I wish you all the luck in the world.

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  2. Yeah, I’ve done a lot of major freaking out in the past 10 days – probably not the best way to ease him into it. I have a list & most of it is probably pain shopping. Your posts are helpful and give someone like me hope, so thank you for sharing.

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